I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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