Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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