the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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