I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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