So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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