It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
