So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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