bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
