I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
