Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
