No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
