the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
