Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
