i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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