idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
