Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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