went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
