I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
