i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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