Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
