Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
