the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
