i need an iv and a liver transplant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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