please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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