im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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