I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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