i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
