if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
