there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sobbing to NWA
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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