At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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