When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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