Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
