Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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