How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize