I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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