We won't sleep together?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
