never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
