just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize