I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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