i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
