I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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