This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
