she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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