I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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