Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
