I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
