Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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