you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize