I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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