I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
