he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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