Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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