he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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