Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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