Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
