its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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