ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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