Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
