I wish you could order shots online.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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