So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
