so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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