Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
