U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
