u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
