I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
