My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
