since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
