Is it normal to miss your booty call?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
