Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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