My sheets look like a crime scene.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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