i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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