Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
