Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
