he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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