I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she told me i tasted like america
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I FOUND THE LEGS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
