i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i think my cat just said my name.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
