I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.