Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.