The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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