i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
