Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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