Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
