we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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