I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
