he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
