I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
