The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
