there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
