Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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