I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
