I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
