i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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