So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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